Yes, I heard discussions. For example, there was a lady at chemotherapy. And when… because you spend quite some time at chemotherapy, people ask: so, what did you do, and how was it? And she asked me: aren’t you afraid that it has taken away part of your femininity? Exactly like that. I still remember it now, it… it seemed… I felt like hitting her in the head with something. I said: no, I don’t feel that it has taken away part of my femininity. My wish was to live and still is to live. I mean, no… putting everything else aside, I think that’s the most important thing.

In the summer of 2015… so, it’s been almost 9 years. I went for a routine check-up. I mean, it wasn’t… it’s just that my right nipple stayed a bit firmer than… and it continued to be firmer, after my menstrual period, a bit firmer than the left one. And I had an ultrasound done. They said we should also do a mammogram. After the mammogram, they sent me for a CT scan. And with the CT, I got the confirmation. They said: well, it’s on the nipple, and you need to have a total mastectomy, it’s mandatory. I mean, they couldn’t say we’ll do a sector resection like in other cases, like if I had a lymph node, or a cyst, or something like that. No. We have to perform total mastectomy. They said: you can have the surgery now, or you can have it in two months, meaning you can go on vacation and relax, don’t worry about it. I said: are you crazy? How can I wait so long when I know I have something? They said: don’t imagine it will develop that quickly. I said no, let’s do it, when can we? What’s the first available surgery date? They said: July 1st. It was the 27th, I think. There was the weekend in between.

I needed a contact person. So, I called my brother. I told him: well, here’s the deal, it’s true. No, let’s go for a second opinion. And we went for a second opinion, with another doctor, also an oncologist, and she said yes, it’s confirmed, the diagnosis is correct, that’s what you need to do.

They did a scintigraphy before the surgery. And during the scintigraphy, I met a lady who had had a similar surgery at 50 years old and was now 73 and had cancer in the other breast again, after 23 years. And I said, no way. I’ll have both of them removed. I don’t want to go through this a second time. And I went. The doctor came, and I told him: I want to remove both of them. Are you sure? Because, you know, let’s wait and see… I said yes, we’re removing both of them. Now, I wasn’t really affected by what happened. I mean, I took it as it was. It’s there, inside me, it has to be taken out, we have to get rid of it quickly and without any issues. We’ll do everything to survive, without worrying about other things related to appearance… how I’ll look… oh no… And I wasn’t… I mean, I didn’t stress much about it.

So, I said: total mastectomy. And he said: fine, alright. And we did the total mastectomy. They also did a biopsy on the other breast afterward, and it was fine. I mean, it was healthy, there was absolutely no problem with it. But anyway, the other tests had also shown that it was fine. But just to be sure…

It was stage 2. Well, they find that out after the biopsy. I had to undergo chemotherapy. I had lymph nodes involved, two lymph nodes were affected. That’s the problem with chemotherapy. Back then, it was terrible because the space was small, unsuitable. I mean, you had to sit on a chair, often with no space to move… you sat in the hospital hallway, I mean, well, in the ward, because there were so many people. The medication came late. They would call us early in the morning to do the tests. Then we waited until the tests were processed. After that, you would come the next morning, they would call you again at 7 AM, and sometimes the medication wouldn’t arrive until 3 PM. So, you just sat there. And then the nightmare with chemotherapy began.

I managed to go through the seven chemotherapy sessions, after which they said: since you had two lymph nodes removed, you should also do radiotherapy.

Even now, my parents don’t know. I mean… there was no point in telling them, considering they couldn’t help me with anything. Anyway, my mom lives in the countryside, she has a little house there. My dad was in Bucharest, but what could he do? Worry: oh my God, my child is dying! Like parents usually do - the first thing they think when they hear about cancer and other such diseases is that you’re going to die. Because it doesn’t help them in any way, absolutely no way, to know, and why would I burden them with that?

And it was very nice because my mom came to vote. It was… during that time, immediately after. And I was worried. I thought she’d notice. I put on a jacket. It was summer. No, she didn’t notice. I wore a regular t-shirt, and I thought, if she sees it, she sees it, I’ll tell her. It’s no big deal. I noticed she didn’t ask me anything. She didn’t realize. I think when you see someone, for example, you know, speaking of femininity, breasts are not the first thing you look at…

The best thing you can do is be friends with your body and always pay attention to what’s changed, how it’s changed, in terms of… I’m talking about appearance, about how you feel, and just go to the doctor, no matter if they’re good or bad… It’s not pleasant. But it helps.

No, it never bothered me that I had both of them removed, and it doesn’t bother me now either. And no, I don’t wear tops that aren’t fitted or loose clothes to… no. Life just goes on exactly as it did before. I mean, just like before when I had breasts, now I don’t. It’s not a problem.

I’m glad it’s all over. You go through all that monitoring for three years. Well, I still go for an annual oncological check-up. No, I never had any regrets or thought it would change me somehow. For me, the desire to live was far more important than anything else.